Raina Greifer’s new WIP Good Orgasm was supposed to be all about having great sex after trauma, but what happens when that good sex doesn't come? Raina reflects on her intersecting feelings of grieving and loving her sex life, feeling imposter syndrome when it comes to chatting sex, and learning how to build a pleasure filled life all on her own.
Content warning for reference to rape, exploration of feelings post rape, mention of PTSD, and general discussion of sex.
My name is Raina. I'm an ENFP. I wrote my dissertation on reality tv, my personal favorite is The Bachelor. I am hoping to one day be a sex educator. I was raped in 2019. For a very long time the word rape was really scary to say out loud. Sometimes when I tell people I've been raped I worry I've brought the vibe of the room down. Sometimes when I'm in a room where people don't know I was raped I just think over and over “they don't know you were raped”.
I did not realize that after I was raped I would be thinking about sex constantly. Right now I am contemplating whether I have enough energy to try out a new butt plug. And curious about when the last time everyone in this cafe I’m sat in had sex. And what are some creative ways to decorate my bedroom the next time I take nudes. I did not expect that thinking about sex would often bring me so much joy. I love telling friends about my favorite vibrators and asking about recent hook ups or have you seen that old erotica and there's an adult shop that sells antique girly mags let's go grab some! It is a conversation where I can be shameless and messy. I can be vulnerable but absolutely ridiculous..
Sex has always been something I've found scary. It's also been something I’ve felt impossibly bad at. There's no textbook for how to give a decent handjob and I felt too embarrassed to admit to anyone I didn't know what I was doing. Adding PTSD into the mix shut down any possibility that I would be comfortable naked and rubbing up against someone. So becoming someone who is constantly wanting to talk about sex and share tips that I've recently heard about feels wildly counterintuitive to my sex life.
After touring my debut show about bad sex and the plethora of it that I've had, I wanted to make a show about what good sex might look like for someone who struggles to have sex. But then I didn't have a lot of sex. There was no line of people waiting to fuck me. This thing that is so specifically designated for two people became an ideal I had no way of reaching. I want to be someone who knows what they like in bed. I want to be someone who experiments and has fun and isn't scared to not know things and look silly.
Recently, I started ordering monthly deliveries of sex toys
Recently, a friend and I went through all the vibrators I owned and I got to tell them about my favorites
Recently, I stuck a swab up my ass to take my first STD test and spent the whole night feeling really proud of myself.
Somewhere there is a version of me having frequent amazing sex, but right now I am a person who spends a lot of time laughing with friends. I do not always know how to touch someone but I am taking serious time and effort to learn about my body. To explore solo kink. To give myself good orgasms. This person is still deserving of a pleasure filled sex life, and learning that I can achieve that on my own gives me a lot of hope for the future. Maybe one day I will be giving the hand job of a lifetime. But for now I know: I am hot. I am sexy. I am capable of turning myself on.
Good Orgasm (as part of The Big Bang scratch evening) is part of SPRINT Festival 2024
March 18th at 7.15pm
Tickets £8 - £12 (+ booking fee)
