Kelly Green, working-class queer mum, neurodivergent, performance artist (and self-proclaimed "noisy, feisty, hot mess") addresses the elephant MILF in the room ahead of MILF The Musical at Camden People's Theatre.
I would like to address the title of the show before we go any further. MILF was to be part of a trilogy of 4 letter words/acronyms I have been called; first was CHAV (2018), second SLAG (2019) and the third is to be MILF (the musical). All of these are autobiographical and are exploring these words through the lens of performance. And autobiography is hard. I have used the MILF acronym to explain the joys and challenges of this project so far.
MILF’ing:
I had my daughter Amber at the age of 23, as a single parent. I had left school at 16 with 4 GCSEs: Music, Drama, and Double English, and worked (badly) in admin and receptionist jobs for 7 years. I went back to education after having her and found my pathway into the arts through higher education.
At 35, while lots of the artists/makers at that age (and younger) had already established a practice, I was just starting which was daunting as fuck. CPT gave me the opportunity to join them on Starting Blocks in Spring 2018 where I presented CHAV, and later supported the full show in Autumn that same year.
The last time I actually performed was in 2019 with my show SLAG which was pre-pandemic. Just as my career was feeling like it was moving in the right direction, the world closed down and a lot of my aspirations with it. There have been a plethora of personal (and world-wide) shit shows since then, and getting in the head space (as well as finding the time outside of MILF’ing) to make work again has felt pretty impossible.
I’ve been learning the MILF’ing job for 17 years so far, and will forever be a MIP (mum in progress).
Inspiring:
The initial idea of this project was inspired by my experiences of being a mother and Amber’s experiences of becoming a teenager (through experiences which were bloody horrible). But once the funding came through and Amber was in a better place, I started to question the ethics of sharing her story publicly. Yes, her story is intertwined with mine but what is mine to tell? These events happened to her but I had to support her through them and they meant I couldn’t work for years - but still, it did not directly happen to me. So, as a mother and an adult, I have censored some incredible content.
My other source of MILF inspiration came from the beautiful mummas I met during the outreach of this project. The outreach was to establish a safe space for mums to talk about their experiences, joys and despairs of muvahood. The workshops were called Mother*s Meetings and took place with community groups through CPT, Barking and Dagenham Council and in St Helen’s, Merseyside in collaboration with Heart of Glass.
I am in awe of the strength of generosity of the mums I spoke to, created, played, and cried with. They shared so many beautiful stories. It is not my practice to tell the stories of other mothers. I am hoping that as this project develops it will enable a creative space for their voices to be heard from their own mouths and we have the opportunity to sing it loud and proud.
Life’ing:
Life really does get in the way of creativity. And my life really has been life’ing recently. I have had to cancel this work in progress twice. We had a family bereavement at the start of the year, then shortly after Amber had to make a decision that affected her body and mental health and mine along with it. It took us a while to recover from it. Just as things started looking up, I then had glandular fever for 2 months. Then in May was finally diagnosed with ADHD which has been a lot. It unlocked a process of grieving and trying medications that has also not gone to plan. I am existing in a constant state of overwhelm, and overwhelm is not the most helpful companion when trying to make autobiographical work.
Fucking (it up):
Being an artist takes a lot. Being a mother artist takes more. We need to do more to make the industry work for mothers and caregivers. We need to fuck the norms to which we all adhere - it shouldn’t have to be this hard to make what you like and do what you love.
This work in progress is really to see if I can, and still want to, talk about my life in front of an audience. Poke fun at the struggle while trying to find joy in it - I want to find joy in it. But it is hard when managing the anxieties: What if it’s shit? What if no one comes? Do I sound like a knob? I have to do another social media post?!
Everything is in progress all the time; the weather, climate change, our bodies, your mind.
We are in constant progress as is the work we make. There is always a better version. More accurate. The blue skies. The cycle of life: maiden, mother, crone.
But for right now this is my progress. Come and join me in it.
MILF the Musical (Work in Progress)
Mon 16 - Tue 17 Sep 2024 at 7.15pm
